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Very often, it’s the dreams and desires of the adults that are the last item on the list.

The timing for Sandler and Barrymore was ideal, Coraci notes.

Kaye Walters of Santa Barbara, Calif., knew she didn't want children, but convincing other people she wanted to remain child-free was trickier.

"I like kids," the magazine editor and writer tells Web MD, "but I can get my 'kid fix' from my nieces and nephews." As a response to societal pressures to procreate, she launched the web site Kid Free & Lovin' It in August 2007. "My motivation to start the site was the same for starting my book: I got tired of everyone assuming I would have kids or constantly asking me when I was going to have them," says Walters, now 46.

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While struggling to make a living and raise their kids as best they can, looking for love is a more complicated proposition than it once was, involving after-school schedules, babysitters, curfews and tough questions. No longer a matter of just finding that one special person, it’s now about finding that one special person who will also be good for your children.One woman I interviewed for my book complained that she had difficulty meeting men who were also childfree and wanted to remain that way.Most men she was meeting (in her mid 30’s) had children from prior marriages and these kids were top priority in every way.“We thought it could be more interesting for two people to have a disastrous blind date and then be forced together with their kids to share a family vacation,” says Menchell.On top of that, “They take over this package from someone else, with all the things those other people had put into play, whether a romantic dinner or what the kids were going to do, so these two are now living someone else’s dream, which is their nightmare.” Additionally, says Sera, “We wanted to have a place where they would be confined and couldn’t leave, so, once they both committed to the package, there was no way out.” Placing the story in such an exotic and expansive setting also goes a long way toward dragging Jim and Lauren out of their daily routines and comfort zones—as well as, maybe, their assumptions about each other—and toward a rush of experiences they couldn’t have imagined having, let alone enjoying, weeks ago. “In some ways,” Coraci suggests, “Dating with kids isn’t essentially that much different than dating without kids.She also talked about meeting men who at first said they didn’t want kids, but as the relationship progressed began to speak of their desire to be a father. I encouraged her to hang in there, and even to consider relocating to a more urban area where there would be more childfree men in the dating pool.


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